[Yep. Pinkie's finally made her way up to the Twin-Screw Universal Controller. She turns to Cammy with a big grin.]

Alrighty, Cammy, let's DO this thing...IN AMAREICA! [And she throws the switch hard!]

Psssst! Hey, Cammy! Over here!

[The Cambot turns about, finally locating Pinkie and 90s Kid curled up together around a lantern in an otherwise dark room. Pinkie appears somewhat less perturbed by this, draping her forelegs over the kid's shoulders and leaning her chin on one to talk to the robot.]

So yeah, I know everyone's kinda freaked out right now! I am too - I mean, the darkness IS pretty scary sometimes, especially right now that it's being all big and shadowy and toothy-looking! [She giggles a little nervously.] It's funny, I haven't even been scared of the dark since I was a teeny weeny itty bitty little Pinkie-winkie! I totally got over all that, though, ages and ages ago! You wanna know how?

[YES]

[You know that old intercom system Deep 13 has? There's a typical low screech as it starts up, followed by a few muffled taps.]

Is this thingy working? Oooh, it is!

HellOOOOOOOOOO, Deep 13~! This is DJ Pinkie Pie here, on the late late late show! Now I noticed that a lot of people have been feeling awfully grumpy and mean ever since we got here! Luckily, DJ Pie knows the super-special secret Ponyville cure for sad faces everywhere! So get your little confuzzled heads ready to be cheered up!

[And then...it starts. You cannot run. You cannot hide.]

Wow! Is this Deep 13? [Pinkie's trotting around her new home, observing her surroundings.] This is so cool! Now Dr. Forrester and Frank are up there...and we're down here! It's just lucky I brought my party cannon with me, this place could totally use some spiffing up! Did everyone else get here okay? It got kinda bumpy there at the end!

Hey, hey! Dr. F! Now that we've both got new places, we should totally throw joint housewarming parties! First you come down here and help us warm our house, and then we'll all go up there and help with yours! It'll be GREAT!

Hey, guys! So you remember those Beast Cupcakes I was making for Emperoctopus Forrester's party? Yeeeeeeeeah, some of them kinda got out.

Don't worry, though! They're wayyyyyy too small to actually eat anyone. Just give them a little something to munch on and bring them back to the kitchen while they're busy!

[Faint voices are heard in the distance as Cambot approaches his targets down on the launch deck.]

Thanks for hanging out with me, dudette. I dunno why everybody’s been tellin’ me to go away this week. [A wild 90S KID and PINKIE PIE appeared!]

Ehehehe...gee, I dunno! That’s really weird!

[Pinkie’s still got on the same hooded black Batmare costume that she’s been wearing all week, though she seems to have accessorized it with some bright pink nose clips. 90s Kid, meanwhile, is still dressed up in his own Pumaman costume, which is starting to look disheveled from being worn all week, and even Cambot seems hesitant to get too close.]

Anyway, you sure this is gonna work?

TOTALLY! I used to put up tire swings all the TIME back in Ponyville! It’ll be just like that, except without any trees!

[Uhhh...is that chain to the tire swing...rigged up to the sprinkler head?]

Hmmmm...

[Pinkie trots around the swing, inspecting it, and then belly-flops into the middle.]

You can sit on top, ‘cause you’re heavier!

Alright, here we go...! [90s Kid grabs the chain, starting to climb up. The tire wobbles uneasily as he tries to pull himself up, struggling to find his footing. He almost makes it to the top of the tire when...

Suddenly there is a resounding SNAP and a blare of fire alarms.]

Ohcrap--ACKPPBT!!! [90s Kid is suddenly overwhelmed by a cascade of water from the broken sprinkler and the feed goes to static]

[Pinkie's still flat-maned and sniffling a little, but she appears to have pulled herself together some. Her voice, when she speaks, is uncharacteristically subdued.]

So, um...I was kinda thinking. That we should have a - a goodbye party for 90s Kid. It'll be on the Nature Deck in a little bit, okay?


(( Funeral log is here. ))

[Pinkie's sitting in the launch deck. She waves at the camera as it turns on, then points to the side. Cammy pans to show one of the little shuttles. At least, it used to just be one of the shuttles. Now, there's about fifty different rockets, jetpacks, and fireworks of various sizes duct-taped to the back alongside its original thrusters. It's also got what might be a giant parachute on top, and everything has been painted pink.

Pinkie hops up next to it, holding up a sign.]

Frank needs our help! Who's coming with me?

[Pinkie's in the cafeteria deck, rolling happily around on the grass.] GUYS! Hey guys! This is totally the best week ever, am I right? Check out all the grass and these cool apple trees! They're JUST LIKE back home in Ponyville!

[Most of the trees around Pinkie are actually picked clean. The reason for this quickly becomes clear as Cammy pans around to show a table covered in apple pies. ALL the apple pies. Pinkie hops up next to it, beaming with pride.]

And you know what the best thing to do with apples is, right? THAT'S RIGHT! It's TOTALLY pies! Come get 'em while they're hot! Oh, oh, and Maes, this one's just for you!

Hiya, everyone!

[Pinkie has a friend with her for this announcement, for those who can also see the dead. This ghost is a pony, surprisingly similar to Pinkie in appearance.]

We have a REAL problem here! See, we've got all these new people and ponies - well, just people and Chancellor Puddinghead here so far. Say hi, Chancellor! [The Chancellor waves happily at the screen.] And they're all ghosties! I can't give welcome cupcakes to GHOSTIES! I mean, they don't even eat! I guess maybe they could go all WOOOOOOO and possess the cupcake or something, but Chancellor Puddinghead says baked goods don't make very good mortal shells. Which is funny, because some of them have reeeeeally good chocolate shells!

So then I said to myself, "Pinkie, how can we welcome the new ghosties without cupcakes?" And then it hit me! A PARTY!

So let's all get together in the cafeteria tonight and welcome all our new friends! I just know they'll LOVE it! It'll be the very first Ghost Party I've ever - [She pauses, glancing up and past the camera.] - what's that? A Ghostie GALA? Ohmygosh, that's a totally terrifically AWESOME name! Thanks, Mr. Disney!

[The feed opens on an empty corridor. But wait! What was that flash of movement up ahead? The Cambot inches forward. Was it a bird? A plane? A white pegasus screaming joyfully as she hurtles through the air towards his - OH GOD WHAT]

[Cammy drops down just in time, turning to watch the not-so-pink Pinkie flutter to a wobbly stop above him. While hovering upside-down. Of course.] Oopsie! Sorry about that!

Guys, guys! Check it out! I have WINGS! I'm a real-life PEGASUS! Ohmygosh this is the best thing EVER, I've always WANTED to fly! I mean, space walking's great and all, but it's nowhere NEAR the same as having wings! Oooh, ooooh, I bet I could do tricks! Anyone wanna see one?

[90s Kid and Pinkie Pie are on the rec deck, goofing off in Pinkie’s homemade skate park that has been fixed up since Discord’s capture. Pinkie pushes her board over in front of one of her little ramps, closing one eye to make certain of the angle.] Hey! Cammy! You getting this?

[90s Kid cheers from off-camera] Yeah! Rock on, dudette!

[Pinkie pushes her skateboard back and forth a few times, preparing before she gets on and starts barreling towards the ramp.] Dude! Dude! Dude! Come on!

Right behind you! [90s Kid comes behind her on his own skateboard. He looks to be doing just fine at first, but then he wobbles visibly, arms flailing in the air. He ends up missing the ramp entirely, swerving to the side instead. At least he didn’t fall this time. Pinkie makes the jump, though her landing is a bit precarious. She circles around back to him. He makes an awkward turn to pass Pinkie, holding his fist out. Pinkie holds out her hoof to meet it. BROHOOF! Apparently Cammy finds this the perfect time to cue a song. Musical number is go, dudes!]

[Blackness. Is this Cambot actually on? It sure seems like it is...]

Okay...maaaaaaaybe that wasn't the best idea.

[Light, as a strip of the darkness is torn away in the form of a piece of duct tape clutched carefully between Pinkie's teeth. She spits it out, making a little face of disgust before turning back to the camera. Her colors are almost shockingly bright compared to the muted gray hues of the past few days, but she still looks a bit distressed, scuffing nervously at the ground with a forehoof as she speaks.]

Um...hey, everypony. Do any of you know how to fix a Cambot? I...kinda broke Cammy's screen thingy...and I don't think tape is gonna work.

And...and I'm really really REALLY sorry I was such a meanie-pants to everypony! I didn't really mean any of it, Pinkie Promise! And once everypony is back to normal, I'm gonna throw the biggest party ANYPONY has ever seen, EVER!

[That isn't the only way she plans to make amends, though. A few seconds later, she's off to find a certain neon-green colt, trailing a few balloons behind her. Riku will also find his aspirin bottle put back where she found it. Yay?]

[Cammy's already screeching in alarm when he turns the feed on, hovering near the ground outside a room with a slightly-cracked door. He stays there for a few seconds, then cautiously peeeeeeeers around the corner again, nudging the door open a little further.]

I SAID GO AWAY!

[There's the briefest flash of Pinkie sitting on her bed before Cammy has to duck a thrown pillow. But he's always been an intrepid little Cambot and he darts forward quickly, long enough to note the unnatural greyness of his friend's coat. He doesn't dodge her next throw, and the alarm clock leaves a small spiderweb of cracks across the corner of his screen. Pinkie can be heard muttering to herself as he quickly turns tail and flees.]

I hate Cambots...

[Isn't space beautiful? Cammy seems to think so - he's just hovering in front of the windows, the shot panning across the stars and planets and - what is that? He zooms in on a small pink object floating in space. It looks like a little...cloud of something? He's barely focused in on it before a space-suited pony, poofy pink tail trailing behind her, pounces on it, turning into a head-over-hooves somersault that carries her out of frame.]

[Cammy quickly darts over to the next window, queuing up a little background music as he does so. After a few seconds Pinkie spirals past, clutching the pink cloud tight to her chest with one foreleg as she waves excitedly to her Cambot buddy with the other. Her jetpack leaves thin white trails of exhaust in her wake, littered here and there with stray pieces of cotton candy. Cammy follows her past a few more windows, until eventually she lets the cloud fly lightly into the window and zips away to flop face-first into another.]

[Her suit must have a little radio or something, because Cammy can still pick up her slightly staticky voice.] Everypony! You've just GOTTA come out and see this! It's COTTON CANDY CLOUDS! IN SPAAAAACE!

Hey, everypony! Oh my gosh, I can TOTALLY say that now! Everypony! [She giggles behind a hoof.] Okie-dokie-lokie! I heard that a lot of you are having a liiiiiittle trouble with being a pony! So I thought I'd do something to help you all out!

[Cammy starts playing some music as the lesson starts. What, you didn't think it'd be normal, did you? He zooms in on Pinkie's hooves as she demonstrates the very FIRST thing you've got to know when you're a pony.]

Just put one hoof in front of the other~
And soon you’ll be walking 'cross the floooooor!
Put one hoof in front of the other~
And soon you’ll be trottin' out the door!

You just gotta get the right rhythm!
Just listen to Pinkie's little song!
Just flick that little tail and keep with 'em!
Your hooves will carry you all day long!

Put one hoof in front of the other~
And soon you’ll be walking 'cross the floooooor!
Put one hoof in front of the other~
And soon you’ll be trottin' out the door!

[Technically, what she's doing by now is more along the lines of moonwalking. Or maybe shuffling. But it's the principle of the matter. She jumps on a trampoline and starts bouncing for the next verse.]

Now if you've got wings you can beat
I've just got one thing to say
Well, don't be afraid - flying's real neat!
Princess Luna can show you the way!

[She hops off the trampoline to demonstrate basic walking/dancing/shuffling again.]

Put one hoof in front of the other~
And soon you’ll be walking 'cross the floooooor!
Put one hoof in front of the other~
And soon you’ll be trottin' out the door!

And if on your flank you've got a picture
Like a diamond or a star or a BALLOON! [She shoves her own flank into the screen, showing off her cutie mark.]
You know your special talent, that much is sure!
If not, it's okay, you'll get one soon!

Put one hoof in front of the other~
And soon you’ll be walking 'cross the floooooor!
Put one hoof in front of the other~
And soon you’ll be trottin' out the door!

[Ironically, the last verse is delivered while she's standing on her hind hooves, in true grand finale form. She drops back to all fours as the music fades.] And if you have any questions about anything else, just ask!

[Cammy flicks lazily on, watching Pinkie bake. She seems much more at ease what with all the shade deaths lately, happily singing to herself as she whips up a new batch of goodies.]

All you gotta do is take a cup of flour, add it to the mix!
Then you take a little something sweet, not sour -

[Camera and pony jump in unison as the door to the kitchen slams open. Cammy spins around - it's Pinkamena. The shade looks different now than she did before: angrier, for one thing, with green goop oozing from her mouth. Standing in the doorframe, the dopplepony lowers her head with a snort, pawing at the ground once before charging forward. Pinkie's scream is briefly heard in the background, before it is drowned out by Cammy's battle-cry as he charges forward, ready to do battle.]

[The next few moments are a sickening jumble of shouts, whistles, and flashes of dark grey hide as the cambot flies around the darker pony, keeping up the loud trumpet music as he divebombs her again and again in an effort to force her backwards. But a dark hoof quickly catches him across the lens, and the transmission goes fuzzy as he drops to the ground. The doppelpony looms over him, looking murderous, and raises one hoof.]

HEY!

[The dark mare turns around, giving Cammy a second to rise off the ground and refocus, looking past Pinkamena's head. That's a big black...circle thing...with a little blue and some pink in the back and oh dear robot god he is staring down the barrel of the Party Cannon.]

[Pinkie's head pops up from behind the weapon, beaming widely.]

Surpriiiiiiiiise~! I made a super-special cake, just for you! Because I AM A MAN!

[The pony yanking the string sharply upwards is the last thing Cammy sees. Then there's a terrible pink blur, and darkness. Soon enough, a pony tongue wipes the lens clean and Pinkie stares into the camera in concern.]

You okay, Cammy?

[Cammy nods, and Pinkie smiles again, letting him go and turning to prance gleefully around the ruins of what must be at least five layers of very pink cake.] Did you see that? DID. YOU. SEE THAT? I did it! She was all AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH and then she went poof! That TOTALLY took the cake!

[It's Pinkie Pie! She seems in better spirits now, though a quick glance to the side shows that she's put a table in front of the kitchen door. But she's way more concerned with her new toy: A giant.

Shiny.

New.

TAFFY MACHINE.]

Dr. Forrester, thank you SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOOOOO much for this! It's the bestest most awesomely taffylicious Hearth's Warming Present I've ever gotten EVER!

Guys! I know everyone's all saddy-waddy because of the mean black creepy-creeps, but you know what ALWAYS makes EVERYTHING better? [She motions Cammy to come closer, which he does. She then screams into his face:] TAFFY!

I've got saltwater taffy and strawberry taffy and watermelon taffy and all SORTS of kinds! Even taffy taffy! So I want everybody to come on down and get some good old-fashioned taffy therapy! Doctor's orders! Oh, you miiiiiight hafta knock first though!

[Cammy isn't following Pinkie today. He's hovering in front of a grey pony who, except for her coloring and the silky-straightness of her black mane, looks eerily similar to his usual mistress. The little bot beeps and darts from side-to-side, but Pinkamena shoves roughly past him and gallops off down the hallway. Cammy follows after with an indignant squeal, catching sight of a bright pink tail disappearing around a corner ahead of the pair.]

[When Pinkamena and Cammy reach the door of Pinkie's bedroom, it is shut tight. The dark pony snorts once and turns about, bucking it open with surprising force. Peering over her shoulder, Cammy catches sight of Pinkie's brief flinch at the sound, before she plasters a bright smile over her face.] SURPRIIIIISE!

[This doesn't look like Pinkie's usual parties. It was clearly hastily thrown together, with just a few random balloons tied to the end of her bed and a tray of cookies that looks like it's left over from the holiday party. Pinkie shrinks back a little when her doppelganger doesn't react.] I'm sorry it's kinda small, but I got it together really really fast, because other ponies hardly EVER come to the Satellite and I was so excited and normally I just give everypony cupcakes but you don't seem very happy so I thought maybe I'd throw you a party instead, because I mean who doesn't -

[Cammy darts around from behind Pinkamena just in time to catch the doppelganger's lips moving, though he doesn't pick up any audio. Whatever she said, Pinkie visibly wilts.] That's not very nice...

[Pinkamena is still silent, but pointing and laughing isn't really the kind of thing that needs words.]