001

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

[A VERY disgruntled blue eagle comes onto the screen. He looks like he has endured all manner of terrible things. He clears his throat before speaking.]

AHEM. Hello, people on this satellite. In my brief time here, it has come to my attention that there are many, many things wrong with this place!

Item one: there are many here wearing highly inappropirate clothing!

Item two: there are at least three people here with blue hair. Blue. Hair.

Item three: Some robots made fun of me the moment they spotted me. And they did not look like productive robots at all.

Item four: The machine in the cafeteria shot out eggs at my face. This is quite unsafe!

Item five: There are several people here whose hair could poke someone's eye out! That is very unsafe!

Item six: There is a tiger roaming around the decks, with no animal trainer in sight! This is incredibly unsafe!

Item seven: There is a bright pink pony bouncing around and tying balloons to things! That is the most unsafe of all!

Item eight: I suddenly appeared on this ship with no clue how it happened, and I need to be home instead!

All of these grievances must be addressed at once!

Comments

[sailorlaughter.livejournal.com]

Well, why didn't you say so?

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

[AMERICAAAA. Oh that just goes straight to his heart!]

At least. These are patriotic balloons! Inspire some decent feelings in the people here!

[sailorlaughter.livejournal.com]

I know! Balloons are just totally super-great at making everybody happy! They're colorful and bouncy and fun, plus they're great to have at parties! I remember I had balloons at my very very first party ever - they looked just like this! And they just made everypony so happy and I was so happy that they were happy, and it was the best thing ever!

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

Patriotic balloons, along with perhaps some flags and streamers, could be just what this place needs--

[And then he gets totally distracted.]

Goodness! Just what is that on your hindquarters?!

[sailorlaughter.livejournal.com]

Oooh, oooh! We could have a flag party! And everyone could bring all their favorite flags and wave them around and we could play flag games and eat flag cupcakes and do other flaggety-flag things!

Oh, that? That's my cutie mark! All ponies have them! It tells us what our very special talent is!

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

[He's fast losing interest in the whole problematic balloons because FLAGS and PATRIOTISM OH BOY...]

A patriotic party with flags! Red, white and blue cupcakes and wholesome games...that would certainly be something of value that this Satellite needs!

I. I see. So your special talent is...balloons. That would certainly explain some things.

[sailorlaughter.livejournal.com]

Uh-huh! Balloons and cupcakes and sprinkles and sparkles and streamers and everything else party! Pinkie Pie parties are the best parties in ALLLLLLL of Equestria, 116% guaranteed~

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

Yes! That does sound like it would serve as a great improvement to this place! [Of course, he's still just thinking it would be all-American flags...]