001

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

[A VERY disgruntled blue eagle comes onto the screen. He looks like he has endured all manner of terrible things. He clears his throat before speaking.]

AHEM. Hello, people on this satellite. In my brief time here, it has come to my attention that there are many, many things wrong with this place!

Item one: there are many here wearing highly inappropirate clothing!

Item two: there are at least three people here with blue hair. Blue. Hair.

Item three: Some robots made fun of me the moment they spotted me. And they did not look like productive robots at all.

Item four: The machine in the cafeteria shot out eggs at my face. This is quite unsafe!

Item five: There are several people here whose hair could poke someone's eye out! That is very unsafe!

Item six: There is a tiger roaming around the decks, with no animal trainer in sight! This is incredibly unsafe!

Item seven: There is a bright pink pony bouncing around and tying balloons to things! That is the most unsafe of all!

Item eight: I suddenly appeared on this ship with no clue how it happened, and I need to be home instead!

All of these grievances must be addressed at once!

Comments

[hasthecrazy.livejournal.com]

The balloons are not of unsafeness yet. Fawful likes them.

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

The pink pony is putting them in places where they may be tripped upon, swallowed, or where they may hit someone in the face! This is most problematic.

[sailorlaughter.livejournal.com]

[everyoneruns.livejournal.com]

Unsafe? Is that all you have to say about me?

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

I believe that says plenty already!

[verygassy.livejournal.com]

HEY! Half of those things are perfectly fine!

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

Not for the sake of safety and wholesomeness, they are not!

[paidinlaughs.livejournal.com]

Oh, another blue chicken! [Yes, he's completely ignored the rest of that speech.]

[game-over-pal.livejournal.com]

I'M NOT A CHICKEN!

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

I am not a chicken! I am a bald eagle!

[beforethemoon]

Poke... someone's eye out.

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

Yes! That hair is quite sharp and pointy!

[And it's one of the blue-haired ones, oh no!]

[punsofiron.livejournal.com]

[Oh hey, it's another parrot!]

Since when were balloons a public menace?

And how come you can have blue feathers but we can't have blue hair?

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

Since they were tied in places they could be tripped upon or popped suddenly!

Because I am an eagle, and people are people! You never see anyone normal around with blue hair, do you?

[keeperonenya.livejournal.com]

[Big talking blue bird. That looks like it's made of cloth. Strange, but not the strangest thing she has seen.]

I would not call these things "wrong" so much as "strange."

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

Strange is still bad! You never know what it might lead to!

[wavesinherheart.livejournal.com]

What's wrong with blue hair?

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

It's not a natural thing!

[game-over-pal.livejournal.com]

Geez, even I didn't bitch this much when I got here.

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

Now now, that is hardly appropriate language!

[sailorlaughter.livejournal.com]

Oh! I'm sorry, did you want a balloon too?

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

No! The balloons need to be removed to a safer area!

[P.S. He secretly wants red, white and blue balloons.]

[felisphasmatis.livejournal.com]

[You're being watched, Sam. Sissel tilts his head, fascinated at the BIGGEST BIRD EVER.]

What about a cat without an owner? Is that unsafe?

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

[Of course, Sam would totally miss the BEING WATCHED part...]

While an owner would be much preferable, it is at least better than a tiger without one!

[outlandthursday.livejournal.com]

If you would like to file grievances, I will get you the appropriate forms from Jurisfiction, which will need to be filled out in triplicate.

[There are no such forms, but Thursday figures 1) he doesn't need to know that and 2) he will appreciate a semblance of law and order, even it it is completely fabricated. She also feels like messing with him.]

If you still feel unsafe, we could take interim measures, like wearing goggles, not eating balloons, and making sure the tiger remains well-fed.

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

At last, someone with a bit of sense! I would most certainly like those forms.

[Sam figures that FILLING OUT FORMS and sending them to the authorities will definitely solve the problem! That's how it works IN AMERICA!]

All of those measures would be appreciated! Caging the tiger would probably be far preferable, but at least that is a step in the right direction.

[razthepsynaut.livejournal.com]

You do a lot of complaining and not a lot of problem solving, donchya fella?

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

Surely if I complain enough, someone will notice and be able to solve the problem!

He almost commented on the unibrow instead.

[halfdarkened.livejournal.com]

...

Item nine: there is an eagle with blue feathers.

[youreallweirdos.livejournal.com]

That is. Different. I am an eagle!