6 Apples

[alleyenobrain]

[Wheatley's tone is even and unexcited. It sounds weird on him. He also remains uncharacteristically still as he speaks to Cam.]

Right. There are fifty-three unique residents upon the Satellite of Love. Thirty-six are human or humanoid; thirty-six out of fifty-three is sixty-seven point nine percent.  Thirteen are animal or animalistic. Thirteen out of fifty-three is twenty-four point five percent. Four unique residents are robots. Four out of fifty-three is seven point five percent.

Plants are not individuals so they cannot be accounted for. Plants do not belong in space. Plants become jealous when left out of a population census. Plants do not have faces so they cannot be trusted.

Sixty-seven point nine plus twenty-four point five plus seven point five is ninety-nine point nine. We are missing point one percent of our populace. Plants are thinning our numbers to exact revenge for being ignored.

[And that, apparently, is all there is to say in the matter.]

Comments

[sylvan_child]

How can you say that?!

[alleyenobrain]

It's in the numbers.

[sylvan_child]

That--it doesn't work like that!

[alleyenobrain]

Plants grow slow but are hard to stop once they get going. The more time you spend defending them, the more damage they can do.

[sylvan_child]

But I've lived in the forest all my life! It's never hurt anyone!

[alleyenobrain]

Did you ever take a population census at your forest?

[itsjustthebots]

Yeah! It's about time someone pointed out how suspicious those plants are!

[alleyenobrain]

Plants stay still while you look at them to hide that they've been plotting. Plants are bad liars.

[itsjustthebots]

And plants stay still all the time!

...Plants are always plotting!

[alleyenobrain]

They've got nothing better to do, can't walk around or play with people or anything. Plants are very jealous.

[itsjustthebots]

Hey, who wouldn't be jealous of me? Especially plants!

[punsofiron]

...plants.

[alleyenobrain]

Yes.

[punsofiron]

...

You're an idiot.

[alleyenobrain]

..........[Wrong move, Liz.]

I have access to the airlock if you would prefer that to listening to my highly accurate and intelligent deductions.

[punsofiron]

You think I'm scared of you?

[butcheroftorfan]

...Plants.

[alleyenobrain]

Further repetition of the previous human's reaction will have unfavorable results.

[virtualunknown]

....

Perhaps one of the occupants is point one percent plant.

[alleyenobrain]

That would be absurd.

[virtualunknown]

No more absurd than any of your claims, really.

[alleyenobrain]

My claims come from logical observations. The idea that a plant could form a bio-form with a proper occupant is simply science fiction.

[virtualunknown]

...right, then.

[iamaman_punch]

Plants, yes. Motivations, not so much.

[alleyenobrain]

What other motive would you claim?