6 Apples

[alleyenobrain]

[Wheatley's tone is even and unexcited. It sounds weird on him. He also remains uncharacteristically still as he speaks to Cam.]

Right. There are fifty-three unique residents upon the Satellite of Love. Thirty-six are human or humanoid; thirty-six out of fifty-three is sixty-seven point nine percent.  Thirteen are animal or animalistic. Thirteen out of fifty-three is twenty-four point five percent. Four unique residents are robots. Four out of fifty-three is seven point five percent.

Plants are not individuals so they cannot be accounted for. Plants do not belong in space. Plants become jealous when left out of a population census. Plants do not have faces so they cannot be trusted.

Sixty-seven point nine plus twenty-four point five plus seven point five is ninety-nine point nine. We are missing point one percent of our populace. Plants are thinning our numbers to exact revenge for being ignored.

[And that, apparently, is all there is to say in the matter.]

Comments

[punsofiron]

...plants.

[alleyenobrain]

Yes.

[punsofiron]

...

You're an idiot.

[alleyenobrain]

..........[Wrong move, Liz.]

I have access to the airlock if you would prefer that to listening to my highly accurate and intelligent deductions.

[punsofiron]

You think I'm scared of you?

[alleyenobrain]

I think you don't understand the position you're in.

[punsofiron]

Don't you think that I can't rip you off your rails where you stand.

[alleyenobrain]

I do not stand because of the rails that you would like to rip me from. Regardless, you would need to find me to do this, and before I can drain the room you're in of air.

[punsofiron]

[Yeah Liz is totally not buying that he can do shit. She's seen him work.]

[alleyenobrain]

...The point remains that you need to be in the same room as me to manage anything. I have no such limits.

[punsofiron]

[alleyenobrain]

As a further reminder--seeing as you seem to have lost rather the point--my action is not particularly necessary, since you are failing to recognize the vegetative threat. You reap what you sow.

[punsofiron]

I see what you did there. [Liiiineface.]

How does something without brains or even a central nervous system to take over the satellite? Really?

[alleyenobrain]

Robots have neither, from a technical standpoint. And yet, who is in charge?

[punsofiron]

The mads.

[alleyenobrain]

I think you need to take a moment and reevaluate your answer.

[punsofiron]

Nope.

[alleyenobrain]

The desperation for the illusion of control extends to insisting the absurd meatbag scientists are the one in charge? Noted.

[punsofiron]

Hey, if you know someone else I can tell to get us the hell down, I'm all ears.

[alleyenobrain]

That's hardly what matters.

[punsofiron]

You asked who's in charge. I answered.