6 Apples

[alleyenobrain]

[Wheatley's tone is even and unexcited. It sounds weird on him. He also remains uncharacteristically still as he speaks to Cam.]

Right. There are fifty-three unique residents upon the Satellite of Love. Thirty-six are human or humanoid; thirty-six out of fifty-three is sixty-seven point nine percent.  Thirteen are animal or animalistic. Thirteen out of fifty-three is twenty-four point five percent. Four unique residents are robots. Four out of fifty-three is seven point five percent.

Plants are not individuals so they cannot be accounted for. Plants do not belong in space. Plants become jealous when left out of a population census. Plants do not have faces so they cannot be trusted.

Sixty-seven point nine plus twenty-four point five plus seven point five is ninety-nine point nine. We are missing point one percent of our populace. Plants are thinning our numbers to exact revenge for being ignored.

[And that, apparently, is all there is to say in the matter.]

Comments

[alleyenobrain]

Plants grow slow but are hard to stop once they get going. The more time you spend defending them, the more damage they can do.

[sylvan_child]

But I've lived in the forest all my life! It's never hurt anyone!

[alleyenobrain]

Did you ever take a population census at your forest?

[sylvan_child]

A...a what?

[alleyenobrain]

Counting how many people lived there. Honestly.

[sylvan_child]

...no?

[alleyenobrain]

Then they likely laid low because you never pointed out their inadequate standing in a democratic environment.

[sylvan_child]

[She honestly has no freaking clue what you're talking about anymore, Wheats.]

[alleyenobrain]

[Good because it's nonsense]

So, best way to get rid of them is to make sure the roots are out.

[sylvan_child]

No, I...

I can't let you do that!

[alleyenobrain]

I won't do anything. I don't have hands.