Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz (
usernameinator) wrote in
itsjustcambot2012-03-05 06:20 pm
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Fourinator
[The screen shows...a blank patch of wall for a second or two.]
Really. Really. Are we going to have to do this every time? I mean, I really thought you'd have this whole "show what you're recording" thing down by now, since, you know, you're a camera and all.
[The screen pans over to show Doof, who is looking a little less than impressed.]
There we go. Finally.
Aaaaaaanyway. I know I haven't been around for a while, but when that whole pony thing happened, it really threw off my plans. You ever try to build anything without thumbs? Much harder than it looks. So then I decided to build a DePonyinator, so I could, you know, not be a pony anymore. Of course, then I ran into that whole building-without-thumbs problem again, but I decided to try it anyway. Three bottles of mouthwash later and my mouth still tastes like screwdriver. Three whole bottles!
Well, the DePonyinator never actually got finished because I randomly stopped being a pony, so I decided to modify it. BEHOLD, SATELLITE OF LOVE!
[...and nothing happens. Doof frowns.]
Seriously. We practiced this. I say BEHOLD, SATELLITE OF LOVE! all dramatic-like, and you pan to the left to show off my latest Inator. Got it?
[The feed pans up and down - Cambot is nodding.]
Good. Okay, let's try that again. [He clears his throat.] BEHOLD, SATELLITE OF LOVE!
[Cambot pans obligingly to the left, showing off what looks like a very big ray gun.]
The TagWithActualLasersinator! See, I saw everyone playing with with the wimpy little laser guns, and I thought I'd make one of my own, except with actual lasers! It's in the name and everything. With this, I can be on my own team and not have to worry about getting picked last or any of those other crippling adolescent fears. All I have to do is just charge it up, like so... [He flips a switch and several lights on the Inator blink on.] ...and it will produce a laser beam powerful enough to punch through any solid object. I can win without even playing! And even better, I can use it to RULE THE TRI-STATE- I mean, THE SATELLITE OF LOVE!
...yes, I know it's against the rules and everything, sure, but- screw the rules, I have science! [He grins and steeples his fingers. Why yes, he has just secured his place as Most Evil Person On The Satellite. Take that, Evil-Sora-Clone-Person!] So! Who wants to play?
Really. Really. Are we going to have to do this every time? I mean, I really thought you'd have this whole "show what you're recording" thing down by now, since, you know, you're a camera and all.
[The screen pans over to show Doof, who is looking a little less than impressed.]
There we go. Finally.
Aaaaaaanyway. I know I haven't been around for a while, but when that whole pony thing happened, it really threw off my plans. You ever try to build anything without thumbs? Much harder than it looks. So then I decided to build a DePonyinator, so I could, you know, not be a pony anymore. Of course, then I ran into that whole building-without-thumbs problem again, but I decided to try it anyway. Three bottles of mouthwash later and my mouth still tastes like screwdriver. Three whole bottles!
Well, the DePonyinator never actually got finished because I randomly stopped being a pony, so I decided to modify it. BEHOLD, SATELLITE OF LOVE!
[...and nothing happens. Doof frowns.]
Seriously. We practiced this. I say BEHOLD, SATELLITE OF LOVE! all dramatic-like, and you pan to the left to show off my latest Inator. Got it?
[The feed pans up and down - Cambot is nodding.]
Good. Okay, let's try that again. [He clears his throat.] BEHOLD, SATELLITE OF LOVE!
[Cambot pans obligingly to the left, showing off what looks like a very big ray gun.]
The TagWithActualLasersinator! See, I saw everyone playing with with the wimpy little laser guns, and I thought I'd make one of my own, except with actual lasers! It's in the name and everything. With this, I can be on my own team and not have to worry about getting picked last or any of those other crippling adolescent fears. All I have to do is just charge it up, like so... [He flips a switch and several lights on the Inator blink on.] ...and it will produce a laser beam powerful enough to punch through any solid object. I can win without even playing! And even better, I can use it to RULE THE TRI-STATE- I mean, THE SATELLITE OF LOVE!
...yes, I know it's against the rules and everything, sure, but- screw the rules, I have science! [He grins and steeples his fingers. Why yes, he has just secured his place as Most Evil Person On The Satellite. Take that, Evil-Sora-Clone-Person!] So! Who wants to play?
[video]
You do remember we're in space right? Are you TRYING to get yourself killed?
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Which is great and all, really. [Sarcasm ends] But you won't be ruling much of anyone if you blast a hole in the hull and release all of our oxygen into the void of space.
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[Oh yeah. He's got this evil thing down.]
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He kind of wishes he didn't now.
So you just get a whooole bunch of staring from a very awkward, very unimpressed Lombax.]
Oooookay, I can see what they mean about the 'mad scientists' thing.
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[And then he stops and looks at just who he's talking to. This is going to become a staring contest pretty quickly, isn't it.]
And now I'm talking with a giant cat.
...okaaaaaaay...
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[...
Yep. Sure is. Because Ratchet can't ever remember seeing your species before - and you don't have the ears or tail of a Markazian.
Okay, maybe the ears.]
Lombax, actually.
I'd watch my tongue; endangered species over here.
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[While that's not the only difference, obviously it's the most important one.]
A- what? A Lombax? What, do you speak for the trees or something?
...the trees are a few decks down, by the way. You can go speak to them there if you miss them or something.
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[And he would... except for that little bite.]
--what? No! [Neither Fastoon or Veldin even had trees so joke's on you, Doofenshmirtz.] Though you might wanna go take a trip to Tabora - you and another guy there can go ponder the 'mysteries of the universe' or whatever.
He might charge you by the hour, but, well...
Sacrifices must be made?
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You know, I don't think you really got what I meant. I'm kind of staging a hostile takeover here with a really powerful laser. You- you really don't want to play with that. Trust me on this.
You can always surrender, though!
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You can still play with us too, though! Okay, okay, YOU be the evil bad guy, and WE can be the heroic good guys! And then next game, we'll switch!
[Action]
[Ceiling Cambot is watching you master-plan.]
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What, exactly, does this machine accomplish?
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Yami Power!
Ooo, so scary. But I'm afraid you're mistaken about the Most Evil Person thing, because a new villian's in town.
[He pulls out a scimitar he pilfered from the weapons vault a couple days ago ((in the sneaky-sneak Adventure log from the minime profile)), and waves it expertly.]
And I'm British, baby!
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Actually, I think we may be able to help each other. Why should we be fighting like dogs when we could form a truce? I'm thinking of starting a club, an EVIL club. If this interests you, find me at this:((http://itsjustagamerp.dreamwidth.org/25041.html)) address and we'll talk.
Ta ta.
[He shoulders the sword and retreats.]
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It is a pity that your laser gun would likely be ineffective against the Tom Servos on their own deck.