First iteration

[fearmylaserface]

[Have a silver metallic orb with a bright blue light hovering close to Cambot, examining him carefully.] Hey. Buddy. Mind telling me where we are? I know I don't recognize this place from any of the memories. It's a cool looking place though. Love what they've done with the place.

For that matter? Who the hell are you, and why am I here? And I mean this location, not the existential form of the question. So no funny stuff... [The light quickly flickers to red, then back to blue.] Anyone want to answer me?

Comments

[itsjustthebots]

Woooah! You're like a really souped-up Cambot that talks!

[fearmylaserface]

... [Light flickering again.]

My name is Leonard Church. Not Cambot. Answer my questions.

[itsjustthebots]

Oh, okay. Hello Leonard Church! So, what questions ya got?

[fearmylaserface]

What is this place? Who the hell are you? And why am I here?

How am I here? This isn't any place I remember...

[itsjustthebots]

Oooh, ooh, I know all of those!

Number one: this is the Satellite of Love! It's up in space!
Number two: I'm Crow T. Robot! Even if I'm not a robot right now. That's not the norm, though!
Number three: Noooo clue!
Number four: Well there's some weird device thingy involved, and that's all we figured out so far.

[fearmylaserface]

...

Wonderful. Just what I wanted to hear. I'm stuck on some strange satellite. [Annoyed] And I'm stuck in this floating laser thing again.

I don't think this can get much worse.

[itsjustthebots]

Are you usually not in a floating laser thing?

Sure it can! There's also a bunch of crazy mad scientists trying to drive us nuts up here.

[fearmylaserface]

[Ranting so that it seems like he missed the second part for the bitching.] I wasn't before I got here. I'd gotten out of this thing and into a real body. Okay, from there I was trapped in a failing memory unit, but come on. This is ridiculous...

[Then he pauses.] Wait. What did you just say?

[punsofiron]

[Have a black cat greeting you on camera, good sir. That's totally normal right?]

If you don't want any funny business, then you're reaaaaaaally gonna hate this place, buddy.

[fearmylaserface]

[Tilting his body at that a little, confused.] Are you a talking cat? Or am I hallucinating?

[itsjustthebots]

What's wrong with a robot body? I mean yeah, the human one has these neat thumbs, but then there's the body odors and the hair and fingernails growing, all the time!

Um, mad scientists, trying to drive us nuts?

[fearmylaserface]

Opposable thumbs are kind of handy. And I'm used to them. Have had them more than I've had this kind of body.

[exasperated] I've already been there done that on the going crazy thing, Crow.

[colorbymemory]

Cambot doesn't usually talk.

[punsofiron]

I am this week, anyway.

Long story.

I'm Iron Liz. You're on the Satellite of Love.

[sailorlaughter]

Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie, and - awwww, you didn't turn into a human!

[The pink-haired girl that just popped up behind him looks disappointingly down at the cupcake in her hands.]

Well, that's okay! I can just make you a really neat party hat instead!

[itsjustthebots]

Oh yeah, I guess if you're used to 'em. But no thumbs can be kinda neat, too! You get creative and all.

Wooow, really? Did that involve mad scientists, too?

[fearmylaserface]

I guess I'll have to. Because it seems like one of this body's functions is missing. Of course the telekinesis is gone. I can't have awesome things, can I?

... Yes. It certainly did.

[fearmylaserface]

I see.

I guess this might be better than the malfunctioning memory unit. Is weird stuff like this common?

[fearmylaserface]

I see. Too bad. Talking is kind of helpful.

[fearmylaserface]

[Turning around, startled] What the-?

Don't do that. Seriously.

And I don't need a hat.

[sailorlaughter]

Of course you don't NEED one, silly! I just want to give you one! To make up for the Welcome Cupcake! You're not gonna eat this, right?

[fearmylaserface]

I kind of lack a mouth like this.

[sailorlaughter]

Yeah, I saw that! [om nom nom cupcake] But I give everyone here a Welcome Cupcake! If you can't eat it, you just have to have a Welcome Hat!

[She thinks a moment.] Or balloons! I gave Wheatley balloons when he came. He was a little round robot too, only he didn't float!

[colorbymemory]

It is, but Cambot mostly just helps us talk to each other.

I'm Namine.

[itsjustthebots]

What function's that?

Were there two of them? You sure you're not the Cambot from some weird alternate-universe SOL?