First iteration

[fearmylaserface]

[Have a silver metallic orb with a bright blue light hovering close to Cambot, examining him carefully.] Hey. Buddy. Mind telling me where we are? I know I don't recognize this place from any of the memories. It's a cool looking place though. Love what they've done with the place.

For that matter? Who the hell are you, and why am I here? And I mean this location, not the existential form of the question. So no funny stuff... [The light quickly flickers to red, then back to blue.] Anyone want to answer me?

Comments

[itsjustthebots]

Woooah! You're like a really souped-up Cambot that talks!

[fearmylaserface]

... [Light flickering again.]

My name is Leonard Church. Not Cambot. Answer my questions.

[itsjustthebots]

Oh, okay. Hello Leonard Church! So, what questions ya got?

[fearmylaserface]

What is this place? Who the hell are you? And why am I here?

How am I here? This isn't any place I remember...

[itsjustthebots]

Oooh, ooh, I know all of those!

Number one: this is the Satellite of Love! It's up in space!
Number two: I'm Crow T. Robot! Even if I'm not a robot right now. That's not the norm, though!
Number three: Noooo clue!
Number four: Well there's some weird device thingy involved, and that's all we figured out so far.

[fearmylaserface]

...

Wonderful. Just what I wanted to hear. I'm stuck on some strange satellite. [Annoyed] And I'm stuck in this floating laser thing again.

I don't think this can get much worse.

[itsjustthebots]

Are you usually not in a floating laser thing?

Sure it can! There's also a bunch of crazy mad scientists trying to drive us nuts up here.

[fearmylaserface]

[Ranting so that it seems like he missed the second part for the bitching.] I wasn't before I got here. I'd gotten out of this thing and into a real body. Okay, from there I was trapped in a failing memory unit, but come on. This is ridiculous...

[Then he pauses.] Wait. What did you just say?

[itsjustthebots]

What's wrong with a robot body? I mean yeah, the human one has these neat thumbs, but then there's the body odors and the hair and fingernails growing, all the time!

Um, mad scientists, trying to drive us nuts?

[fearmylaserface]

Opposable thumbs are kind of handy. And I'm used to them. Have had them more than I've had this kind of body.

[exasperated] I've already been there done that on the going crazy thing, Crow.

[itsjustthebots]

Oh yeah, I guess if you're used to 'em. But no thumbs can be kinda neat, too! You get creative and all.

Wooow, really? Did that involve mad scientists, too?

[fearmylaserface]

I guess I'll have to. Because it seems like one of this body's functions is missing. Of course the telekinesis is gone. I can't have awesome things, can I?

... Yes. It certainly did.

[itsjustthebots]

What function's that?

Were there two of them? You sure you're not the Cambot from some weird alternate-universe SOL?

[fearmylaserface]

Used to be able to move things without touching them. It was awesome. I got to smite an alien.

No. There were a lot more than two scientists involved. And no satellite. It was a space ship.

[itsjustthebots]

Cooooooool! Was it like the H.R. Geiger kinda alien?

Still sounds pretty close! Was there a big dumb guy with you on the ship, too?

[fearmylaserface]

No. The kind that only say honk and blarg. They worship technology.

... Not exactly. It was a military project.

[itsjustthebots]

Ohh. Hmmmm...hey! I'm technology! So would these aliens worship me?

Awww that sounds more boring.

[fearmylaserface]

It's possible.

Less boring and more unpleasant. There were some real dicks associated with the project.

[itsjustthebots]

Ooooh neato! We need to get those aliens over here pronto!

Well that sucks. Way too many scientists are also dicks.

[fearmylaserface]

They'd probably help us.

Definitely. The Director was such a dick.

[itsjustthebots]

And worship us, too! That's the best part! So how do we get those guys over here?

[fearmylaserface]

...

I don't know where here is. And it's not like I have an alien phonebook.

[itsjustthebots]

Oh, well, here is above the planet Earth!

Maybe Gypsy's got one of those...

[fearmylaserface]

Really? Earth?

Who is Gypsy?

[itsjustthebots]

Yup! That big, blue, weird planet down there! I've heard a lot about it.

Gypsy runs the higher functions of the ship! Big and purple, kinda odd, has one big eye like you.