007

[itsjustamike]

Mike: Wooah! It looks like we’ve gone completely to another dimension!

Crow: At least that killer missile isn’t following us anymore

Tom: Wonder if those crazy mad scientists are still around!

Mike: The question is...where are we?

Gypsy: Rocket #9, get us some readings on the Earth below, pronto!

[Rocket #9 obliges. Everyone on the Satellite will be able to see images of earth...except things look very, very wrong. Most of the human skyscrapers and cities have been abandoned, and in their place are a bunch of more primitive-looking homes with very large doors. All of the humans are either roaming about in the fields, or holed up in cages. And walking around the homes and businesses are instead...dinosaurs! Or at least they look close to them. Mostly, they look like dinosaur-people.]

Mike: Holy smokes! This looks like Earth...except thousands of years in a dark and terrible future!

Crow: Or else a dark and terrible past!

Tom: Or maybe a dark and terrible alternate present!

[All of a sudden, the Hexfield screen fitzes, and something comes onscreen...it looks like a Utahraptor, wearing a pilot’s jacket and some shades.]

Captain Salt Lake: This is Captain Salt Lake of the Forrester Air Force Enforcer Corps! Just what are all you man-beasts doing up on that ship in space?!

[Want to find out about this rather dreary-looking future? Maybe you can get some answers by asking this strange guy...]

Comments

[sailorlaughter]

Hiya, Captain Salt Lake! My name's Pinkie Pie, and I'm a pony, not a manbeast! Actually I don't think anybody up here is one of THOSE, because I know everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY on the Satellite, and I've never ever ever had to make a beast cupcake! Oooooh, those sound pretty cool though - do YOU want a beast cupcake?

[itsjustthenpcs]

What? ---No! I want to know what all of you are doing up there!

[sailorlaughter]

I'm making beast cupcakes, silly! Do you like gems in yours?

[itsjustthenpcs]

Why would anyone put gems into cupcakes? Those belong in vaults, or museums.

[sailorlaughter]

I thought all dragons liked gems! You DO look kinda different from Spike, though, so I guess you must just be a different kind of dragon, right?

Hmmmmmm...oooh, do you like rocks? How about some nice hornblende-granite?

[itsjustthenpcs]

I'm not a dragon. I am a Utahraptor!

And what I'd like is for all of you to explain your presence up there!

[sailorlaughter]

Sorry! I can't! You should ask the Maaaaaaaaaads~!

[itsjustthenpcs]

Do you mean Emperor Forrester?

[sailorlaughter]

Nope, I mean Dr. Forrester and Frank! You're probably thinking of Pearl or someone!

[itsjustthenpcs]

No, that is who I'm thinking of!

It is the law of Emperor Forrester to have all man-creatures either caged or on leashes or in preserves! They are primal and wild because of The Experiment!

[sailorlaughter]

So he's a doctor AND an emperor now? Does that make him Doctor Emperor Forrester? Or Emperor Doctor Forrester? Doctor Emperor, Emperor Doctor...Doctor Emperor, Emperor Doctor... [Nope, can't decide!]

Oh, and I'm preeeeeetty sure he's a man too, so you might wanna - ooooh! Docemperor! Or maybe Emperoctor...

[itsjustthenpcs]

...

You're confusing me.

[sailorlaughter]

Yeeeeeeah, I get that a lot!

Oooh, hey, do you know if Docemperinator Forrester's still living in Deep 13? I just realized I totally need to throw him a Congratulations on Becoming A Dinosaur Emperor party!

[itsjustthenpcs]

No, he's in the palace!

Well, there are already the Annual Emperor Forrester Days...

[sailorlaughter]

Oh, well, can you ask him to call me then? I've never ever planned a party for someone while orbiting them and their planet before! Either he's gonna have to come up and visit, or I'm gonna need to get a waaaaaaaay bigger shuttle!

What, you mean his birthday? Oh, silly, those're different! I mean, if it was his birthday NOW we could maybe combine it all into one GIGANTIC super-long super-awesome Congratulations on Becoming a Dinosaur Emperor and Also on Being Born party, but it's not! I checked!

[itsjustthenpcs]

Oh, trust me, he will be hearing about this...

No, his birthday is separate from Annual Emperor Forrester Days! Those we have about five or six times a year.

[sailorlaughter]

Well now he can have seven or EIGHT parties this year!

Great! Ask him if he wants some of these beast cupcakes, okay?

[itsjustthenpcs]

I will be certain to do that...

[sailorlaughter]

Great, thanks! And you're invited to the party too, and all of your dinosaur friends!

[She thinks over that last sentence for a second, her grin slowly vanishing.]

But I don't wanna see any of you being mean to 90s Kid, especially the velociraptors, or I'm gonna send you all home without any cupcakes. Okie-dokie-lokie?

[itsjustthenpcs]

[Well, now Captain Salt Lake is just suspicious. He just staaares back, and then puts the shades back down.]

Okie. "Dokie."

[sailorlaughter]

[Well, she's glad they got that settled! Pinkie perks up instantly.]

FanTAStic! I'll get you the invites soon - don't forget to RSVPPPPPPP~!

[wavesinherheart]

Are we not supposed to be up here?

[itsjustthenpcs]

Absolutely not! You are supposed to be down here in a human preserve!

[wavesinherheart]

A... human preserve? Are we really that rare?

[itsjustthenpcs]

Yes, and really that feral!

[wavesinherheart]

I... see.

[itsjustthenpcs]

So you had better either get out of here or else come down here right now so some handlers can put you back someplace proper for humans!

[wavesinherheart]

We weren't trying to end up here, really.

[itsjustthenpcs]

Then just how did you end up here?!

[wavesinherheart]

We're... traveling through, I suppose you could say.

[itsjustthenpcs]

That's not much of an explanation! Emperor Forrester will have to hear about this.

[wavesinherheart]

Emperor Forrester?

[itsjustthenpcs]

Yes! The ruler of the whole entire earth!

[wavesinherheart]

Is he like you?

[itsjustthenpcs]

No, he's not nearly so good-looking. But you didn't hear that from me.

He's the only human who didn't turn beastly.

[wavesinherheart]

Do you know why not?

[itsjustthenpcs]

As far as I know, it was because of his dazzling intellect and good looks. At least, that's what he says.

[wavesinherheart]

Ah... I see.

[punsofiron]

.....a Terlasaurus? Really?

Well, it's better than gold vests, I guess.

[itsjustthenpcs]

I'm a Utahraptor, thank you. But such a lack of knowledge isn't surprising of man-beasts!

What are you prattling on about?

[punsofiron]

Nothing important.

Listen, we kind of warped here through a dimensional rift. We'll just be on our way as soon as we can.

...also would you happen to know anyone named Rob Walker?

[itsjustthenpcs]

You'd better be on your way as soon as you can! Human's aren't allowed up in space! Or off of a leash, for that matter.

Oh, Rob? He's in accounting.

[punsofiron]

...

[She wasn't actually expecting an answer to that. Icon and keywords relevant.]

As kinky as that sounds, we're not interested, thank you.

[itsjustthenpcs]

It doesn't matter if you're interested or not! The fact of the matter is, humans are a degenerated, animalistic species, and can't be trusted roaming free!

[punsofiron]

...guess Mitt Romney won in your universe.

[itsjustthenpcs]

Who is this Mitt?

It's Emperor Forrester who's won the world!

[punsofiron]

You know, Mitt Romney! The jerkass who thinks airplane windows should open and--

...did you just say Emperor Forrester?!

[itsjustthenpcs]

Of course! Who else would I be talking about?!

[punsofiron]

[Ow. Just. Ow.]