Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
usernameinator) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
itsjustcambot2012-01-17 11:25 pm
usernameinator) wrote in itsjustcambot2012-01-17 11:25 pm
Oneinator
[The screen shows one very large eye looking in. The view rattles for a moment, accompanied by thunking noises – something’s tapping Cambot.]
Hey, is this thing on?
[The view pans back to show a rather tall and skinny man in a lab coat – a pharmacist, perhaps? – staring at Cambot. The screen bobs up and down – yes, he’s on.]
Oh, okay. You know, you should probably have a little blinking red light or something to let people know when you’re on. You’d probably get all sorts of embarrassing videos otherwise.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Now, if anyone is watching, I’m sure you all have the same questions when you show up here in the middle of an evil monologue like I did. Where am I? What is this place? Am I really in space? And now that I’m here too, you’re probably expecting me to have the same questions.
…well, I do, but unlike all of you, I don’t have to worry about it, and this is why!
[The theatrical voice switches on, and with a flourish he pulls a cloth – probably a sheet from the bed – off of what looks to be some sort of ray gun.]
Behold, P- I mean, little camera robot thingy! The SendMeHomeinator! With this, I don’t need to ask all those annoying “I just got here! Oh, please help me!” questions. I just push a button, and the SendMeHomeinator sends me home, so I can finish my other evil monologue and get on with fighting my nemesis already.
So I just push the button [He pushes the ray gun’s big red button – no, not self destruct, the other one – and goes to stand in front of the gun] and stand right here, and poof! I’ll be home!
[He stands there, arms out wide, with a big smile on his face. It takes him a few moments to realize something’s not really right here.]
I already said the whole “poof” thing, you know. You can’t just leave me standing here. It’s really not cool.
[And nothing happens. Finally, he gets fed up and goes to fiddle with the controls, muttering to himself the whole time about how one faulty circuit can ruin his dramatic timing and it how he really should practice these things before getting in front of the camera for real. After a few moments of tinkering, he straightens back up.]
Right. Okay. Now all I have to do is push the button-
[He does so, and the laser fires immediately, hitting the Hang In There poster on the wall. After a brief flash of light, the poster changes. The image now depicts a kitten curled up comfortably in a basket with the words “Home Sweet Home” along the bottom. Guess who’s not pleased.]
What? Oh, no, it’s not supposed to do that! It’s supposed to send me home! It’s in the name and everything! [He heaves a sigh and opens up a panel to start tinkering.] Hang on- give me a minute, I’ll have this fixed right away.
[Yeah, Cambot may not hang around for that.]
Hey, is this thing on?
[The view pans back to show a rather tall and skinny man in a lab coat – a pharmacist, perhaps? – staring at Cambot. The screen bobs up and down – yes, he’s on.]
Oh, okay. You know, you should probably have a little blinking red light or something to let people know when you’re on. You’d probably get all sorts of embarrassing videos otherwise.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Now, if anyone is watching, I’m sure you all have the same questions when you show up here in the middle of an evil monologue like I did. Where am I? What is this place? Am I really in space? And now that I’m here too, you’re probably expecting me to have the same questions.
…well, I do, but unlike all of you, I don’t have to worry about it, and this is why!
[The theatrical voice switches on, and with a flourish he pulls a cloth – probably a sheet from the bed – off of what looks to be some sort of ray gun.]
Behold, P- I mean, little camera robot thingy! The SendMeHomeinator! With this, I don’t need to ask all those annoying “I just got here! Oh, please help me!” questions. I just push a button, and the SendMeHomeinator sends me home, so I can finish my other evil monologue and get on with fighting my nemesis already.
So I just push the button [He pushes the ray gun’s big red button – no, not self destruct, the other one – and goes to stand in front of the gun] and stand right here, and poof! I’ll be home!
[He stands there, arms out wide, with a big smile on his face. It takes him a few moments to realize something’s not really right here.]
I already said the whole “poof” thing, you know. You can’t just leave me standing here. It’s really not cool.
[And nothing happens. Finally, he gets fed up and goes to fiddle with the controls, muttering to himself the whole time about how one faulty circuit can ruin his dramatic timing and it how he really should practice these things before getting in front of the camera for real. After a few moments of tinkering, he straightens back up.]
Right. Okay. Now all I have to do is push the button-
[He does so, and the laser fires immediately, hitting the Hang In There poster on the wall. After a brief flash of light, the poster changes. The image now depicts a kitten curled up comfortably in a basket with the words “Home Sweet Home” along the bottom. Guess who’s not pleased.]
What? Oh, no, it’s not supposed to do that! It’s supposed to send me home! It’s in the name and everything! [He heaves a sigh and opens up a panel to start tinkering.] Hang on- give me a minute, I’ll have this fixed right away.
[Yeah, Cambot may not hang around for that.]