1 Cake

[forthescience]

[There's a sound of rotors as the new person turns to look at Cambot. GLaDOS's eye widens, then she pulls back a bit and looks around. She turns back to Cambot slowly.]

Oh good. I was just thinking that I hadn't woken up in a strange place with no memory of how I got there enough recently. Do you suppose you could tell me where I am right now?

Comments

[alleyenobrain]

[absolute.

abject.

horror.]

[forthescience]

Oh, it's you. Have you managed to cause any more nuclear meltdowns since I last saw you?

[alleyenobrain]

I--wh--No! No no no no, what are you doing here?! You're not--I was supposed--this is space! You don't get--you can't be in space, I'm in space!

[forthescience]

That clarfies a few things. Honestly, I'm not sure how I got here, but I can't help but think that some of it must be your fault.

[alleyenobrain]

No. No! I didn't... what, what could I do to bring, bring you here, I wouldn't--I've been minding my own business up here, you know, not bothering anyone, and it's been great!

[forthescience]

Really. No mysterious fire-related accidental deaths to log to your account?

[alleyenobrain]

N-- [pause] No. No deaths at all. Everyone's quite happy to have me here, we're all, all good buddies, and the tests aren't deadly mostly, and there are parties!

[forthescience]

[GLaDOS focuses on Wheatley entirely; congratulations, you said "tests," and now have her full attention.]

What sort of tests?

[alleyenobrain]

Wh--uhh. No kinds, none at all, really, hardly could call 'em tests at all. Like I said, hardly particularly volatile, mostly involve a lot of talking and messing about, baffled me at first, too, actually pretty silly, really, nothing you'd be interested in, I figure.

[forthescience]

Fine. I'll remember this later.

[alleyenobrain]

Rememb-- umm, all right. Just. File that away for. Future reference. Yeah.

[punsofiron]

[...That's GLaDOS.]

[.....icon keywords relevant.]

[forthescience]

Going on the assumption that you aren't mute, what kind of experimental facility is this? I was made to test and, well, let's say that I think it's time I got back to it.

[See, she's not so bad, Liz. There's absolutely nothing terrible about testing.]

[punsofiron]

Satellite of Love. Sorry to tell ya, but we've already got some guys experimenting on us.

[forthescience]

Oh good. Someone capable of rational conversation, or something like it.

I'll have to contact them, somehow. I'm always willing to help do some science.

[itsjustthebots]

Oh, my goodness! Another robot? Quite a few are showing up.

This is the Satellite of Love!

[forthescience]

It's reassuring to know that there's someone other than the little moron running this place.

[itsjustthebots]

Little moron? OH, you mean Wheatley! ...You know you really shouldn't use mean names for robots like that, it's not healthy for their self-esteem.

I run this ship! Well, sort of. I just take care of the really complicated stuff.

[forthescience]

He put me in a potato and tried to kill my only friend while simultaneously destroying our facility by pure ineptitude. I prefer to think of my descriptor for him as honest.

[itsjustthebots]

[Gypsy is kind of stuck on one detail...]

...A potato?

[forthescience]

It's a long story.

[itsjustthebots]

But what if it rotted?

[forthescience]

I'm not sure that he was too concerned about that.

[alleyenobrain]

DON'T LISTEN TO HER SHE'S LYING

[itsjustthebots]

Ohh. Well...why?

[forthescience]

I'm not lying. He's lying. He's been here a while, hasn't he? I'm sure he's already caused trouble.

[alleyenobrain]

It--it's just what she does, she, she lies, and says horrible things and ruins friendships and makes everything awful when it could have been great!

[forthescience]

You were the one who trapped her and punched her down into a pit.

[alleyenobrain]

I--I didn't... It was a slip up! If you hadn't, hadn't started going on about me, mixing things up, and...it wasn't my fault, okay?!

[itsjustthebots]

Look. Ummm.

I'm going to go. Organize my Richard Basehart trading cards, okay? I think you guys have some issues and maybe it's best if I don't try to figure out what they are or something.

[alleyenobrain]

YES that sounds fantastic you just go and. Don't worry about any of this because it's irrelevant! And untrue. Have fun!

[itsjustthebots]

Okaaaaay. Just let me know if there's trouble, okay? Things are harebrained enough around here!

[alleyenobrain]

Will do, will do! [He gives a quick panicky laugh]

It's delicious and moist!

[sailorlaughter]

[Pinkie peers at the newcomer. Between Wheatley and the bots, she isn't really sure what to do with robots anymore. So she just asks.] Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! Do you want some cake?

Re: It's delicious and moist!

[forthescience]

[GLaDOS does not seem to have a proper response for this one.]

I like cake.

[sailorlaughter]

Great! I just wasn't sure, because the last robot I met couldn't eat cake, even though Crow and Gypsy and Tom all do. Someone should really build him a mouth sometime - I mean, he can't just never ever EVER have cake! That would be TERRIBLE!

Here we goooooo~ [And she pulls out a...oh goddammit Pinkie.] Where are you? Don't worry, Pinkie Pie delivers!

[forthescience]

[She can't eat it either, but she does like it.]

Maybe we should exchange recipes sometime. Mine is to die for.

[sailorlaughter]

Wow! That sounds great! [OH DON'T YOU DARE]