13 Love Chains (and a 4th Wall)

[verygassy.livejournal.com]

[And here's Minako! It's been awhile since anyone's seen her, but she is alive, drinking beer and eating a giant pile of turkey legs, right at this moment. And she is dressed up in, well, this. On...Linkara's futon couch.]

Mmmph. mm...hmm?

[Mid-bite she looks over and sees Cambot looking at her. She responds by staring with wide deer-in-headlight eyes.]

Mmmph!! Ulg...Cambot you're early--

[And all of the food and booze is unceremoniously shoved off-screen, resulting in many, many crashing things - glass, wood, pewter, and so on. Or its just Cambot playing crashing sound effects to heighten the goofiness.

Well, in any case, Minako gives the camera a weary eye before clearing her throat. And then she smiles as Cambot fires up the unseen teleprompter. It was showtime.]

Hello and welcome!! This is Atop My Fourth Wall where bad comics are burnt up! I am Linkara.

...

Yes, I'm sure you're wondering why I look so different. Well, I dyed my hair. That is all! But, also, there comes a time when on the fourth wall I meet a comic that must be taken down by different means than by fire. That is where my special form comes in! Behold!!

[And thus she stands up, and...]

FOURTH WALL POWER! MAKE-UP!

[Yes, folks, this is really happening. Minako is playing a video where she transforms with these precise motions and music. Only, instead of a short skirt, bow and chain, she gets jeans, a grey shirt, a plaid overshirt, and a tweed jacket. And, instead of the bow at the end, she gets...the trilby.]

Soldier of love and beauty, Minakara!! In the name of good comics, you're PUNISHED!!

[Aaaand cut back to the futon where, yes, Minako is doing the one-legged pose with sparkly sounds all around her. And she is wearing Linkara's trilby. Oh god. Oh god.]

As you all can see, It is me, Minakara! And I loooooooooooove Sailor Moon! It is a great manga with a great story! My favorite storyline is the prequel, about Sailor V, personally. But, the whole story is also fun! And there is an anime, a live show, and even Broadway-esque musicals! And of course because of this, many artists around the world like to re-tell the story in homage.

[She unposes finally and sits.]

Another story I like is that of Sonic the Hedgehog. I love the games, and to my surprise, it turns out, there is a comic of it made by Archie Comics! But not just any comic. This comic currently holds the world record for the longest-licensed comic book ever!

So what happens when the Archie Sonic the Hedgehog comic decides to make a homage to my absolute favorite manga ever?? Well, let's dig into Sonic Super Special #8 and find out...!!

Comments

THEME SONG TIME EVERYONE

[verygassy.livejournal.com]

[Yes, this is also REALLY happening. The entire theme song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02tQpHNupTY).]


WELCOME TO ATOP THE FOURTH WALL
WHERE BAD COMICS BURN
MINAKARA'S GONNA PUNISH YOU
FOR BEING REALLY BAD!

BRODSKY IS NOT THE SMARTEST
LIEFEL--what the hell, is that his crotch!?
Wh--I-I mean IF YOU HAVE A BAD COMIC
DON'T DRAW LIKE HIM!

where-OH MINAKAAAARA
SHE IS A WOMAN
PUNCH!
WEARS A TRILLBY HAT

MINAKAAARA
SHE DOESN'T NEED A GUN
BECAUSE SHE CAN KICK YOU TOO

MINAKAAAARA
TOYS, ROBOTS,
AMAZONS AND TRUCKS

MINAKAAAARA
THIS COMIC SUUUUUUCKS

MII-oh there's another verse
Uuuuh FORCES HERSELF THROUGH IT...
A BADLY WRITTEN UGLY THING
BUT SOMEONE'S GOTTA DO IT!

AND ITS ABOUT TIME HE DID
THEY MADE WATCHMEN WITHOUT THE SLIMY SQUID
AN--wait they made a Watchmen movie!!?
When did this happ--90'S KID!? 90'S KID'S IN THE LYRICS TOO!!?
Wow uh---aaah my place my place what
Aaaah--"ANYTHING ABOUT SCIENCE!?"

THERE WOULD BE BETTER BOOKS ON THIS SHOW
BUT WE HAVE NO GOOD ONES ON THE SOL
AND NOW THERE'S NOTHING BETTER TO DO
THAN TO PUNCH A LOT OF BAD COMICS BOOKS WITH YOU

MINAKAAARA
SHE IS A WOMAN
PUNCH!
I'VE GOT BOTH MY ARMS

MINAKAAARA
CAN'T SEEM TO FIX
THE CONTINUITY ALARM

MINAKAAARA
ROCK AND ROLL
INSANO
SOME FELLER IN A TUX

MINAKAAARA
THIS
COMIC
SUCKS

MINAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!


[And then, just as the audio cuts out, Minako can be heard saying "Ok, Cambot, let's do another, better take and scrap this one--"]

[optimistickey.livejournal.com]

[Sora watches the comic she's talking about, but one thing seems to keep bothering him...]

...Does that huge bad guy have little girl pigtails?

[verygassy.livejournal.com]

Yes. Yes he does.

[optimistickey.livejournal.com]

But...why?

[verygassy.livejournal.com]

Because it's a woman!

[optimistickey.livejournal.com]

[Sora looks a little skeptical.]



...It is?

[verygassy.livejournal.com]

Yyyyyup.

[optimistickey.livejournal.com]

Ohhh. [He recalls that incident with Mulan...] I guess sometimes I have trouble telling that at the first look...]

[virtualunknown.livejournal.com]

[Just stares, head tilted.]

((OOC: OMG, that... thing! DX I'm embarrassed to admit that I own that.))

[verygassy.livejournal.com]

[Wink!]

((OOC: As do I. I'm not embarrassed to admit it though. |D))

[virtualunknown.livejournal.com]

...what's this, now?

((XD))

[verygassy.livejournal.com]

It's Atop the Fourth Wall!

[virtualunknown.livejournal.com]

[...still looks lost.] So you said. But what is it?

[verygassy.livejournal.com]

It's where bad comics are burned, of course~!

[virtualunknown.livejournal.com]

Of course.

[iamaman-punch.livejournal.com]

[Now, there are several ways Linkara could react to this. He could enter the room with weaponry and threaten her, the same way the Critic did during their Superman 3 review. He could ignore it completely, or get angry, or get even.

Or there's always this option.

He walks into his room and sits on the futon next to Minako, completely unconcerned. After a few moments, he turns to her and smiles.]

Well? Go ahead and tell your loyal viewers what you think about the comic! Don't leave anything out. And be sure to use all those inside jokes and references that they love so much. After all, you've got a very big, highly opinionated fan base out there - you don't want to let them down!

[Go on, Minako. Do his job for him.]

[...that smile's not actually very nice, is it.]

[1/2]

[verygassy.livejournal.com]

[She is totally ignoring that un-nice smile.]

Oh, don't you worry, I won't!

[Thumbs up! And cue her...not...leaving...anything out.]

[2/2] Two hours later

[verygassy.livejournal.com]

[CLICKING ON A LIGHTER WHILE HOLDING THE ABOMINATION. OH GOD. WHY. WHY DID SHE READ THIS. WHY.]

--AND SUPER-AGING DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT!!




DAMNIT, WHY IS THIS LIGHTER NOT WORKING!!

[iamaman-punch.livejournal.com]

[Would you believe he's been sitting here attentively listening to Minako rant herself into a frenzy for two hours? Because that's exactly what he's been doing. When she finally hits the point at which she goes for the lighter, he holds his hand out.]

Give me the lighter.

[verygassy.livejournal.com]

[Welp, Linkara. Here's the lighter. Have at it.]

[iamaman-punch.livejournal.com]

[He holds his other hand out.] And the comic.

[verygassy.livejournal.com]

[Comic take. Seriously, take it.]

[iamaman-punch.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[He looks back at the camera, holding up the comic.]

This comic sucks! I know it's tough to do a dimensional shenanigans plot, but even by that standard the writing's shoddy and the dialogue is poor. The most eye-catching thing about this comic is the blatant Sailor Moon parody at the beginning, and even that was rushed and more disturbing than it was funny! Nobody wanted to see Robotnik in a skirt and pigtails, thank you.

As for you... [He throws the comic on the couch and turns to Minako, though his tone isn't nearly as rough as it was when he was lambasting the comic.]

One: Watch your format. Nobody has the attention span to hang around for two hours, unless you plan on making a movie. You've got twenty minutes per episode, forty tops if you've got a really good plot hook at the end, and that's it.

Two: Cut it down to the jokes that are actually funny. That's part of the reason you should only run twenty minutes. Watching someone rage forever isn't funny unless you're the Nostalgia Critic, which you aren't, thank God. I don't think any dimension could handle more than one of him.

Three: Lose the outfit. At the risk of sounding like Spoony, there can only be one. Leave it to the professional.

[Well? Anything to say for yourself, Minakara?]

[verygassy.livejournal.com]

All right, all right.


I just thought it might be fun to review a bad comic.

[punsofiron.livejournal.com]

[Oh. My. God.

Mina how did you even get in here.

And why is this actually kind of ridiculously funny?]

[verygassy.livejournal.com]

[That is her secret~!]

[sailorlaughter.livejournal.com]

Wow, Linkara, you really DO look different! You make a great blonde!

[verygassy.livejournal.com]

Why thank you, Pinkie Pie~!

[liefeldisgod.livejournal.com]

Of course I'm in the theme song! I'm just HARDCORE like that, dudette!

[verygassy.livejournal.com]

...O...k...

[liefeldisgod.livejournal.com]