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itsjustcambot2011-12-02 07:40 pm
buildingproblem.livejournal.com) wrote in itsjustcambot2011-12-02 07:40 pm
Entry tags:
Lord of the Sound System
[Some backstory. About two days ago, some time after the Satellite of Love got its Ren Faire on, the speakers began to pipe out some music to put everyone in the mood.
Some pan flute music.
Pan flute music done to the tune of 'Party Rock is in Da House Tonight!'
Pan flute music done to the tune of 'Party Rock is in Da House Tonight' with vocal accompaniment by Kenny G.
It has not ceased to do this for two straight days.
Those two days have taken a dreadful tole on inhabitants of the satellite, and for a truly dark moment, it seems as if this Experiment will finally succeed in shattering the crew's will once and for all, throwing them into despair that will leave them nothing more than withered husks emptily humming the incepid tune 'da da da da daaaaaaa da da' over and over.
But then, just when all hope seems lost, a light shines in the east, with dawn's first light! Well, they're all in space, so it's not an actual dawn, and it's hard to tell what direction hope is coming from because hope is currently facing the camera, but-
Look, you really should just relax.
Anyway, hope arrives in the image of one Harry Dresden, only this time the only wizard in the Satellite of Love isn't sporting his usual leather duster and snarky expression. No, right now he is sporting a long gray beard to end all beards, the sort of beard that would make Santa go, 'dang, that's a beard. He is also dressed in billowing blue robes that lend him an aura of mystery and wisdom, or make it look like he's going to bed soon. One or the other. Sadly, though, there isn't any pointed hat to round out the affair, or hide that his hair is very much not gray. Look, he just doesn't do hats. Once he sees the camera is working, Harry begins to speak.]
Greetings, guardians of the Satellite of Love! To those who do not know my name, I am known as Harry of Dresden, by way of Chicago. I trust all of you are know awoken to the evil that has spread across our land. Long have I feared this darkness's arrival, but even I could not have foreseen the depths to which the Enemy would sink to, probably because I haven't listened to the radio in fifteen years.
But now that the darkness has arrived, that the Enemy has pushed us back from our homes and poised his hammer to deliver the final blow, now is the time we must set aside the quarrels of the past and unite as never before, lest we all be drowned in terror and terrible dance music!
This is a burden that no one man can face alone, and so it is that I ask you, bravest of the Satellite's warriors, to step forward now and offer your courage, your skill, and perhaps even your lives for the sake of us all. Because if you do not succeed now, there will be nothing to left for any realm of man or elf or pony or whatever Fawful is.
You must journey beyond the frontier of Level 33, past the bulkhead of Kara Dun, and into the pits of The Great Maintenance Bay of the Torgoro Deep. There you will find the Master Sound Control System…OF DOOM! Beside it will be the Fire Axe of Doom Smashing +1, the only weapon that can destroy the sound system, and break this weapon of the enemy forever more, so that our lands may once again know peace.
I ask you, great heroes, have any of you the courage to take up this task? To bear our hopes and dreams upon your shoulders, to become the champions you were meant to be?
[Finally he snaps and turns to hurl a rock at the speaker over head]
AND TO FINALLY SHUT OFF THAT DAMN RACKET?
[Turning back, he composes himself, then continues]
If you are ready, then speak now heroes, and I will show you the way.
Some pan flute music.
Pan flute music done to the tune of 'Party Rock is in Da House Tonight!'
Pan flute music done to the tune of 'Party Rock is in Da House Tonight' with vocal accompaniment by Kenny G.
It has not ceased to do this for two straight days.
Those two days have taken a dreadful tole on inhabitants of the satellite, and for a truly dark moment, it seems as if this Experiment will finally succeed in shattering the crew's will once and for all, throwing them into despair that will leave them nothing more than withered husks emptily humming the incepid tune 'da da da da daaaaaaa da da' over and over.
But then, just when all hope seems lost, a light shines in the east, with dawn's first light! Well, they're all in space, so it's not an actual dawn, and it's hard to tell what direction hope is coming from because hope is currently facing the camera, but-
Look, you really should just relax.
Anyway, hope arrives in the image of one Harry Dresden, only this time the only wizard in the Satellite of Love isn't sporting his usual leather duster and snarky expression. No, right now he is sporting a long gray beard to end all beards, the sort of beard that would make Santa go, 'dang, that's a beard. He is also dressed in billowing blue robes that lend him an aura of mystery and wisdom, or make it look like he's going to bed soon. One or the other. Sadly, though, there isn't any pointed hat to round out the affair, or hide that his hair is very much not gray. Look, he just doesn't do hats. Once he sees the camera is working, Harry begins to speak.]
Greetings, guardians of the Satellite of Love! To those who do not know my name, I am known as Harry of Dresden, by way of Chicago. I trust all of you are know awoken to the evil that has spread across our land. Long have I feared this darkness's arrival, but even I could not have foreseen the depths to which the Enemy would sink to, probably because I haven't listened to the radio in fifteen years.
But now that the darkness has arrived, that the Enemy has pushed us back from our homes and poised his hammer to deliver the final blow, now is the time we must set aside the quarrels of the past and unite as never before, lest we all be drowned in terror and terrible dance music!
This is a burden that no one man can face alone, and so it is that I ask you, bravest of the Satellite's warriors, to step forward now and offer your courage, your skill, and perhaps even your lives for the sake of us all. Because if you do not succeed now, there will be nothing to left for any realm of man or elf or pony or whatever Fawful is.
You must journey beyond the frontier of Level 33, past the bulkhead of Kara Dun, and into the pits of The Great Maintenance Bay of the Torgoro Deep. There you will find the Master Sound Control System…OF DOOM! Beside it will be the Fire Axe of Doom Smashing +1, the only weapon that can destroy the sound system, and break this weapon of the enemy forever more, so that our lands may once again know peace.
I ask you, great heroes, have any of you the courage to take up this task? To bear our hopes and dreams upon your shoulders, to become the champions you were meant to be?
[Finally he snaps and turns to hurl a rock at the speaker over head]
AND TO FINALLY SHUT OFF THAT DAMN RACKET?
[Turning back, he composes himself, then continues]
If you are ready, then speak now heroes, and I will show you the way.